Eating Stars

Photo by Fiona Vail

I was at the clothesline a few days ago when Rumi appeared in the garden and said, Mama...I am not afraid of death anymore.

We have been talking about death a lot of late. My belief as a mother is that when a child asks a question, they are ready for a truthful answer...so death has been an open subject in our house for a few months now.

There have been moments of spiralling curiosity in which he has been bewildered by my lack of knowing about what happens after we die. Moments of complete anguish in which I have been unable to save him from the desperate realisation of his own impermanence. Moments of profound wisdom in which he has matured right before my eyes, warping all of the illusions I hold about age and time and space. We have both shed many skins during these conversations.

But on this day, when he walked slowly and surely toward me at the clothesline and announced that he was no longer afraid of dying, I asked, why is that darling?

He said, because when I die I will be a Soul…free. Just flying around, eating stars and looking for you.

In that moment, all knowing left me.

I just stood at the clothesline and cried.